You know what really irks me? What really gets deep down into the cockles of my movie lovin’ heart? Movies just aren’t fun anymore. No one is going out and making a flick that is just plain fun. Even things that should be fun are turned into SERIOUS DRAMA. Take comic book flicks. The Dark Knight? A great movie, indeed, but goddamnit I want Batman to throw car batteries at crooks and the Joker to try to trademark a fish that looks like him.  I want Batman to be super detective Bruce Lee I can kick your spine out of your left nostril if I want to, not the kid from Newsies. I could go on, but really, you don’t want to see my e-dick grow fully erect whilst I list all the things Batman should do. Really, it’s quite an unsettling thought for this humble reviewer, and your generally untainted eyes and imaginations. Just go with me on this.

The Dark Knight aside, the films that really suffer, that don’t know how to entertain anymore: Horror flicks. Jesus Christ, when was the last time you had fun at a mainstream horror movie? When was the last time you cheered? Was it when Rob Zombie’s stillborn abortion of fecal garbage was splayed across the screen in Halloween? Or was it during Generic People Get Tortured Lots Then Someone Survives movie # 328924389398493? Or hell, did you get rowdy during Oh Those Japanese Are So Crazy Here’s A Movie Just Like The Ring movie #45484878?  It’s goddamn sad, and I weep for the days of Slaughter High and Chopping Mall.  But this has changed. Enter: Monster from Bikini Beach.

Heh. How’s that for an intro?

Now, I went into this movie not knowing really what to expect. Sure, I knew a monster and some gore and lots of gratuitous nudity to boot, but dang, I should’ve known this would be the bee’s knees, considering the Trash Film Orgy’s previous opus El Tigre Diablo in: The Curse of the Golden Skull, which all of you better see seven times. I am a shameless shill for things I like; you got a problem with it? We can take it out back and, I will give you a sound thrashing. Each bruise will remind you why you should buy a copy.

Damn, I am threatening the audience. This is going swimmingly.

As I was saying, Monster from Bikini Beach snuck up on me. I was expecting some monster mayhem, but damn do they go the extra mile. Not only do you get the best monster movie not from Japan since, well, the original King Kong, but you get a whole other secondary plot about a hard nosed detective in the only Neo-Noir style I’ve ever had fun with that didn’t have Bruce Willis ripping off a dude’s junk.

Which brings me to the plot. I will not go into the finite details, since, man, it is the right bit of crazy and awesome that just has you sitting there with a goofy grin on your face the entire time. It follows the exploits of Archie aka Scoop (the most perfectly annoying character ever) and his friend of the female persuasion (this means she has a vagina), Raquel as they try to uncover and stop an evil monster from killing and/or bangin’ some smokin’ fine ladies in revealing to no clothing. This leads to some sexy fights and help from the south. And while this is all going on, we meet Detective Sammy, an old dirty cop investigatin’ some murder and searching for missing drugs. He is awesome and the best character ever since he has a Go-Go-Girlfriend. I am pretty sure everyone alive can instantly up their rad factor by having a Go-Go-Girlfriend. Even Hitler. Heed this advice, suckas.

Needless to say, with all the goings-on, dudes get beat up, girls get sliced and diced, shenanigans ensue, and there’s an explosion or two. All of these things are the best things to have in a movie, particularly shenanigans. Shenanigans, hijinks,  and general mischievous acts are so fuckawesome, you guys.
Right off the bat, I gotta say you will immediately want to buy the soundtrack to this movie. Kitschy and fun surf music should punctuate every movie. Seriously, after the movie ended, I just kept repeating the credits sequence for the song.

But the music wasn’t the only spectacular part of the atmosphere. So many props have to go to the set design. Things like Scoop’s room, with all the articles from a Weekly World News type magazine, the monster’s lair with the ancient symbols in the back, to all the hand made things that are scattered around in the background, it’s just aces. It’s bright. It’s got pizzazz. It’s snazzy as all get out.  I want to live in the sets of this movie.

The special effects make-up is top notch for the budget. Both brutal looking and bloody, complete with decapitations galore, all of them really satisfy the blood lust. And the monster is just plain fun to look at. There’s no way around it, it is just a splendidly designed monster and it needs to have many sequels as well as action figures and maybe a children’s cartoon show. Hey, it worked for Toxie!

The acting was just the right kind of stilted where it is endearing, and doesn’t distract from the sheer lunacy of what is going on. Stephanie Hyden’s Raquel had a very Heather Langenkamp air about her, and I could easily see her tangling with one Mr. Krueger (of course the Monster from this movie is like 20 times more terrifying).  Galen Howard’s Archie/Scoop was irritating in all the right ways. Sure, I wished he was dead from the second he opened his mouth, but I liked that I wanted him dead from the second he opened his mouth. Stephen Vargo as Detective Sammy, of course, was fucking aces. I cannot talk about how much I loved this dude enough. I want to hang out with him and drink beers with him and maybe go to a strip club and demean some women with him.

I could gush endlessly about the minutia of details I loved. I really could. I can see this playing at a drive-in. It feels like it should be playing at a drive-in. It is the right mix of camp where it isn’t forced, but it sure as hell is there. You’ll be glad you watched it. And that goofy grin I was talking about? It lasts far after the movie ends, and you can feel it creeping up every time you think about it afterwards.

Seriously, see this movie right now, or I will pulverize your gender specific body parts with some sort of bludgeoning device until you admit you hate fun. Because, if you don’t see this, you obviously do. –AJ Apelian

For more information about the movie including how to buy your very own super special DVD check out the Trash Film Orgy homepage here.