You know what really irks me? What really gets deep down into the cockles of my movie lovin’ heart? Movies just aren’t fun anymore. No one is going out and making a flick that is just plain fun. Even things that should be fun are turned into SERIOUS DRAMA. Take comic book flicks. The Dark Knight? A great movie, indeed, but goddamnit I want Batman to throw car batteries at crooks and the Joker to try to trademark a fish that looks like him.  I want Batman to be super detective Bruce Lee I can kick your spine out of your left nostril if I want to, not the kid from Newsies. I could go on, but really, you don’t want to see my e-dick grow fully erect whilst I list all the things Batman should do. Really, it’s quite an unsettling thought for this humble reviewer, and your generally untainted eyes and imaginations. Just go with me on this.

The Dark Knight aside, the films that really suffer, that don’t know how to entertain anymore: Horror flicks. Jesus Christ, when was the last time you had fun at a mainstream horror movie? When was the last time you cheered? Was it when Rob Zombie’s stillborn abortion of fecal garbage was splayed across the screen in Halloween? Or was it during Generic People Get Tortured Lots Then Someone Survives movie # 328924389398493? Or hell, did you get rowdy during Oh Those Japanese Are So Crazy Here’s A Movie Just Like The Ring movie #45484878?  It’s goddamn sad, and I weep for the days of Slaughter High and Chopping Mall.  But this has changed. Enter: Monster from Bikini Beach.

Heh. How’s that for an intro?
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